Lumber and sheet metal

We are once again adding on to the "barn" And I am amazed at how fast the money flies when we go to Pixleys! But it keeps Tim happy and busy working outside. In fact we spend more time together outside working on the barn.

Need to loose weight!

I realize that I need to loose quite a few pounds.  Still haven't figured out what will work the best for me, other than keeping a food journal and exercising on a regular basis.

I have a bad habit of eating everything in sight while I am working and do not make healthy choices while indulging.

I am and will try to make better choices, eating and exercising!

Bedtime

Tonight Callie decided to sleep in her bed. I made her a night light from an glass block and she has sitting on the shelf above her bed. She looks so angelic while she sleeps!

Katie insists on complete darkness while she sleeps. She often complains about Dakota having the bathroom light on. Katie is also my early riser, getting up with the dawn.

Dakota can't sleep in total darkness and always has the radio playing at night. In many ways he is more like me than the girls.

One thing is certain, I truly and deeply love my children and their father!

Carol
Sent from my iPhone

Starting a journey into journalling

Somehow I always have great intentions in starting to keep a journal or blog, only to drop off int oblivion.

Hopefully this endeavor will outlast my previous attempts by being able to use my computer and iPhone for updating.

Today was one of those days that all I wanted to do was sleep or vegetate on the couch. On the other hand, the gifts purchased online have started arriving and I am feeling more festive everyday.

Thanksgiving was wonderful with only small amounts of stress. The turkey was juicy and tasty. Plenty of stuffing, corn pudding, casseroles and cherry fluff. We even made apple pie for dessert.

We started the lean-to along the south side of the barn. The framing is complete for the roof, next we'll put the sheet metal on. Eventually we'll put a wall along half the south side and make the west half into dry hay and cart storage.

Carol

Sent from my iPhone

Stolen van?!?!?!

According to Tim if you "borrow" a vehicle, use said vehicle, then abandon said vehicle at a public place when the vehicle no longer runs, it is not stolen. Not stolen because "you told the owner where it is", therefor you are no longer obliged to return said vehicle! I feel that if you borrow an item, no matter what the value, you are responsible for its return.

Tough times

The past 2 weeks have been really hard for me personally!

I lost my Beardog on July 19, 2010, from possible internal injuries due to being kicked or stepped on by a horse. The shock of loosing Bear was horrible. He was 2 1/2, still a very young dog, just past puppy stage. I was really beginning to like him and was seeing what a great dog he would become.

Then 6 days late on July 25, 2socks passed away. He had become ill and was not improving, so I had started antibiotics. He had a really good day on Saturday, the 24, and I thought he might pull through. Tim and I had already discussed euthanasia if he wasn't somewhat better by Monday, so it wasn't a total shock.

Although, I still have a huge broken area in my heart! We are hoping to help heal with the distraction of a German Shepherd puppy (name already picked out -- Remington). There is no need to replace Bear or 2socks for they will forever live on in our hearts and memories. There is need to extend our love and help our hearts heal with the love for a new furry friend! For the heart that loves others without limits, grows and heals the best.

Rest in peace, 2socks and Beardog.

Nonconfrontational

Wow, what a word! But it does describe me completely. I hate confrontation. Yes, I even used that horrible word "hate" and it is appropriately used.

I wish there was someway I could show others how I feel without having to actually show how I feel. Confusing to me also. (doesn't help that I can only type with dyslexic fingers)

Want to tell or show my Mom how much I hurt, but I cannot. I don't know how!!!!! I feel like I am a disappointment to her and my family. It is killing me to feel this way and I really don't know what to do about it.

I often feel like the proverbial "third wheel" when my "family" gets together. Mom is entertaining Keith and/or Tom and Dad is entertaining Jimmy. Tim, the kiddo's and I have to entertain ourselves. My children don't even get to spend time with their grandparents, because Jimmy takes all of their attention. I really love that Callie wants to spend time at Mom and Dad's. I wish Katie and Dakota wanted to spend more time with their grandparents, but I am not going to force them anymore than necessary. I think that Katie does feel ousted by Jimmy and takes to heart the not so nice things Mom says to her. Dakota is super sensitive and sometimes gets feelings hurt by both Mom and Dad, even when they are joking around.

Just as hard as it is to discuss anything with my parents, I am finding it hard to discuss my issues with Tim.

Sometimes I wish he would just listen and not judge. Don't judge me or my subject, I already feel horrible about what is happening in my life as it is.

I also need to learn to talk with Tim about my insecurities and how I feel about our sex life (or lack of). I don't want to be left out anymore. Pleasure should be a two way street, receiving and giving, or at least given freely without any demands. Just because he enjoys performing oral sex, doesn't mean that I enjoy performing it on him every time. Occasionally, I like to surprise him or agree to mutual pleasuring. I should not feel obligated, just as I wouldn't demand from him. And if one of us is not getting any pleasure from what ever form of sex or pleasuring being performed, the other should be understanding if the "mood" has changed significantly. I truly dislike loosing whatever need or drive for pleasure (and subsequent orgasm) and feeling truly let down, then I am required to perform like a trained puppet to bring him to orgasm. I hate not being on birth control and hope to remedy that soon. Yet even that won't fix any of the problems without true discussion taking place. I really need sex more than once a month!