Mom and Dad:
I realize you want to know why I don't want much to do with Keith, Tom and Jimmy, so here it is!
When we are visiting and Keith, Tom and Jimmy are there, we (Tim, Katie, Dakota, Callie and I) cease to exist. The two of you are in full host and hostess mode, working to appease them. You and I cannot work on putting together a decent meal without Keith and Tom taking over. Everything is done to the advantage of Keith, Tom or Jimmy. Your "real" grandchildren are not allowed to eat or drink anywhere other than the dining room or outside. Jimmy, on the other hand, is allowed much more freedom. Eats or drinks where he wants, when he wants.
Holidays with family used to mean spending time with grandparents, parents and siblings. I do not feel that Jimmy is your grandchild, anymore than he is my nephew or my children's cousin. Tom is not my brother in law, nor is he my children's uncle. Keith may have a special attachment to Tom and Jimmy, but I do not. Rather than harbor ill feelings toward Keith, I choose to limit my interactions with Tom and Jimmy.
I do feel less than wanted or loved by my own parents though. And have felt this way for much longer than anyone has ever known. I realized a long time ago, Keith was and is your favorite. Why else would you quit wanting me around when you found out about the cancer? Why else would you take the popup camper back then make sure Keith, Tom and Jimmy went camping with you (and even paid for their camping fees every time!)? Then purchased the R-pod and the first thing said to me was "we didn't buy it for Keith and Tom". Do I have STUPID written on my forehead. Am I not the one who has an Associates degree (not much, but more than some others). Am I not the one who has the better mastery of the english language.
When Mom was going through chemotherapy the two of you did not want your grandchildren to visit, Mom might catch something or was to ill, weak, etc. Yet it was okay for Keith, Tom and Jimmy to spend the weekend, no matter what illness they might bring. I know Keith helped Dad with a lot of things outside, but Tim or I would have been happy to help if we had been asked or allowed to visit. I found out more of what was happening with Mom and the cancer from second hand sources than from either of you. Nothing like having Billie ask how a certain treatment was going, then having to ask what she was talking about.
Then we have the issue of the monies I have given you and things I have paid for. I have not ever asked you for money since I moved out. I have not ever asked you to buy anything without planning to pay you the full amount for it. I have paid three months payment, the insurance and tag for the popup camper and received nothing for it. Just like I made the payments, insurance, tires and upkeep on the Jeep and you still wouldn't allow me to take it to NSU or give it to me after it was paid off. Yet you gave Keith the F250, paid half of the Escort for him, then gave him the Corsica. Four years later and I am still pissed about the four hundred dollars in fireworks you shot off that I paid for. Not one ounce of conscience on your part, we didn't get to enjoy any of those. I was "not allowed to any more family functions" by Keith. Guess what, I wish I had followed that edict. Fireworks from 2008 were paid for by Tim and I once again and no one offered to pay for any of them, but had no problem shooting them off! Last year I finally had a good 4th with my parents, not feeling like I was competing with Keith and Tom for your attention.
Then the whole fiasco with the vegetables happened. I would never invite myself to pick or harvest from anyone else's garden without their express consent and knowledge. It was clearly stated that Keith and Dad could get what had been picked and was behind the camper. Never was it said to pick anything you want from the garden. Tim is sometimes too nice to say no, especially to his elders. Most of the cantaloupes were picked green and most of the winter squash were also picked early, therefore we lost half of our harvest that month.
How can you replace your "blood" grandchildren with a complete stranger? Until Tom and Jimmy, showed up, Katie, Dakota and Callie were your world. Then the cancer and now Mom can't even go to programs to watch her grandchildren (and don't say I don't give enough notice or don't offer to take you) and yes the kiddos do notice and are hurt by you not being there. Then they hear about what Jimmy has done or how Keith and Tom are doing. It is really no wonder that Katie and Dakota don't ever want to spend time there.
Christmas 2008 was the first time I ever felt like you enjoyed getting Christmas presents for the kiddos. Then you wanted us to come before Keith, etc., so that you could give us our presents. Two things happened to make that day less than favorable. First, for every present pulled out for all three grandchildren (Katie, Dakota, and Callie), a present was pulled for Jimmy (ie: 3 for Katie, 3 for Dakota, 3 for Callie equalled 9 for Jimmy). Second, you really made it look like you had given me the 410, not Tim (yes, he did pay you for it, hence you should have given it to him to give to me). I really did and do appreciate that you have purchased guns and rifles for us. It is just very bad form to make it look like you are giving the gift if one of us has paid for it.
I do not wish for my children to be around Jimmy. He bullies and is overbearing. Jimmy is large for his age and has less maturity than Dakota most of the time. He lacks judgement and is not supervised at all. I truly feel sorry for Jimmy, because neither Keith nor Tom seem truly engaged when you are present to take over for them. I don't know how they are at other times, but I do not want to "babysit" Jimmy when I am at your home or camping. I have tried to express my concerns about Jimmy and their dog without being a total bitch and was downplayed. When Jimmy is pushing Dakota and the dog is trying to bite Dakota, the "fun" should be ended. Pushing doesn't count as "play" with us nor does a dog nipping and biting. I didn't find it amusing or appropriate for us to be expected to entertain Jimmy when it was raining during our first camping trip, that was the real reason we left early (we had planned to stay until Sunday that weekend). Keith and Tom tend to leave care of Jimmy to whomever is around, be it you or Tim and I. Another time, while camping, Katie and Dakota were told not to sit in the chair by the fire but rather behind everyone else because "that's the dogs' chair". Fuck the dog!!!! People, especially children, come before animals. (I ever see that dog off leash while I am camping, I will report it, multiple times if necessary) And yes I am bitch enough to do so. Also while camping, Jimmy felt it necessary to use Dakota as his personal leaning post while Jimmy sat upon his bike. And I have and will again give Katie and Dakota my permission to use whatever means necessary to get Jimmy to leave them alone. Just as they have my permission to defend themselves from anyone bullying them or from unwanted attention, etc.
Don't expect me to let you know again that we are going camping, I do not care to camp with you and then spend my time watching you entertain them the entire time! Nor do I want to hear how horrible it would be for them to have to pay full price to camp. Amazingly they can purchase cigarettes, booze and designer clothing but they cannot afford to pay $20 a night to camp! Yeah right.
Your hurt and sad daughter.
